It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize