i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
