Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
