just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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