Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
