So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
