shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
