just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
