At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
