How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Someone came in the potted fern
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
