I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
