then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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