Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize