Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
