Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
