Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
