in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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