$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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