Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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