Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
