i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm like, not good at living.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
