I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
