Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
