He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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