How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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