i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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