dude i'm inner monologue high
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
party gras won. party gras always wins.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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