wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
