and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
