I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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