You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize