Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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