I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
