Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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