he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
