i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
tell me about the eggs
Randomize