Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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