we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
