She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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