I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
