She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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