i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
