Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
