I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
