did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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