Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
