the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
