gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
