There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
