Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
