dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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