So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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