I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
