Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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