I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
