Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
