saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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