I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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