If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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