it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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