I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize