That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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