Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize