I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
