girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
