Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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