just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
