Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can feel your judgement through the phone
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
