Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
