Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
