So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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