theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
