you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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